Head Case
by Morrigan the Nightmare Queen
Summary: If Cell could regurgitate an intact Android 18, it follows that Android 17 was alive in there as well. And if the twin siblings are together- and severely disgruntled- they'll tend to irritate their captor. A dialogue in Cell's head, humor with slight dra


Author's Note: Yet another 'unwind and be stupid' Dragonball Z fic of mine. This one centers on my favorite DBZ characters, Androids 17 and 18, irritating my second favorite character- Perfect Cell. It's mostly humor, but some parts of the Cell Saga were just not a laughing matter- like the mystery of the cyborgs' creation. Juuhachigou's lines at the end of the last page are a throwback to "My Brother, My Protector, My Friend" by Juu, which I consider an excellent work and as close as anyone'll ever get to the heart of the twins' mystery. 

Disclaimers: Dragonball Z belongs to Akira Toriyama (sp?) and NOT TO ME. I AM NOT TRYING TO STEAL IT, SO DON'T YOU DARE SIC YOUR LAWYERS ON ME. 

**Bold type denotes Juunanagou.**

_Italic type denotes Juuhachigou._

Regular type denotes Cell.

****

Head Case _by Morrigan, the Nightmare Queen_

**Help . . . it's cold . . . dark . . . I can't see . . . all alone . . .**

_Oh, stop being so melodramatic._

**Heh heh heh. Sorry.**

_Right. Since when are you ever sorry about anything?_

**. . .**

**. . .**

**. . .**

**. . . I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!**

_Yeah, you're looking in the mirror._

**We have a mirror?**

_I was speaking metaphorically, dipshit!_

**Meta-wha?**

_Never mind. You do realize that we're dead, right?_

**Yup. Vacuumed up by Android 21. Slurp. Gone. Deader than a small, cute, fluffy woodland creature in Celebrity Deathmatch against Vegeta.**

_Mmmmm. Celebrity Deathmatch . . . _

**I was thinking more along the lines of "mmmm, venison." Death to Bambi!**

_Venison? Screw venison! Sheep are _much_ fluffier, and thus are more likely to incur Vegeta's wrath. Therefore, mutton for dinner._

**'Celebrity Deathmatch,' remember? I challenge you to come up with ONE famous sheep throughout history.**

_. . . . . . . . . . . . Napoleon?_

**I thought he ****_slept with _****sheep, not actually ****_was _****one.**

_He boinked sheep?_

**So said Dr. Gero.**

_Yeah, well, a studious analysis of the appearance and logical capabilities/physiomenalogical psyche-imprint of the Good Doctor forces me to conclude, after an extensive study, that due to an exceedingly outsized periodical expression of worth and characteristics . . ._

**Juuhachi?**

_Yes, Juunana?_

**Are you on crack again?**

_What do you mean, again? Just because I found that one stash and decided to do a little experimentation-_

**A little experimentation? You were stoned shitless for three weeks! I had to blow up all the cities by myself!**

_Come off it. It's not like _you_ suffered._

**Only because you wouldn't share.**

_I sense that we're getting off-topic._

**We had one to begin with?**

_Yes. The fact that we are, in all technical senses, DEAD, and our powers have been absorbed into Cell so that he can run a rampage of death and destruction._

**Oh . . . **

_Exactly. What are we going to do about it?_

**Dunno. What do you think?**

_I dunno. What do you think?_

**I dunno. What do you think?**

_Well?_

**Well? **

_Stop repeating everything I think!_

**Stop repeating everything I think!**

_Juunana, I swear-!_

**Juunana, I swear-!**

_If you keep this up, I'm going to kill you!_

**If you keep this up, I'm going to kill you!**

_Fine, I just won't talk to you anymore!_

** . . . whew. Thank god for small favors.**

_Hey!_

**Mwa ha ha.**

Would you two be QUIET? I'm trying to destroy the world here!

**Well, whaddaya know. The boss himself.**

_Should we listen to him?_

**Dunno. Do you think so?**

_Dunno. Do you think so?_

**Kami, now you're doing it! Stop it!**

_Kami, now you're doing it! Stop it!_

**Bloody hell!**

_ . . . uh . . . shit, I knew this word . . . oh yeah- meifumado!_

** . . . sis, 'meifumado' means the ****_'dark realm'_**** of Hell, not ****_'bloody'_**** hell. And stop trying to show off your new Japanese language program.**

_Pshaw. Hair-splitter._

**If we had any left to split . . . **

_You know, something just occurred to me._

**Yeah, speaking of all things unlikely-**

_Shut up. My point is, now that we're part of Cell, we don't have to worry about our physical bodies. No quandaries over food or shelter, no waking up in the morning with gasoline-breath, no more ash in our hair or burnt clothing or having to see those Kamiawful green socks of yours every day . . ._

**Hey, I LIKE my socks! **

_Guys don't have fashion sense. You're a guy._

**I'd noticed.**

_Really? I hadn't._

** . . . that's cheap. And it doesn't even make sense.**

_Well, you never do anyway, and weren't we just imitating each other?_

SHUT UP, YOU TWO!

**Ptttthhhhhbbbbbbbbb! Make us!**

_Heh. Well put, brother o' mine._

SHUT THE HELL UP, DAMMIT! I'm KIND of TRYING to, you know, DESTROY THESE BLOODY SAIYANS and you two are GETTING IN MY FUCKING WAY! Shut your etherial mouths before I eject you both and leave you to the tender mercies of Vegeta!

_Think he's mad?_

**Yeah. Sounds about right.**

_ . . . should we stop?_

**Nah. Hey, I just had an idea- try exerting a little mental control. Y'can look right outta the Boss's eyes!**

_Neato. Lemme try that . . . whoa! That's quite a fight going on!_

**I'll second that. Goku's kid doesn't look too happy and Vegeta JESUS CHRIST HE'S COMING RIGHT AT US DUCK CELL DAMMIT ****DUCK!**

I'm trying! I'm TRYING!

** . . . whew! Close one.**

_I'll second that. Remind me never to look through our Resident Psycho's eyelids again._

**You mean eyes?**

_Whatever. I'm not in a mood to kibbitz._

**Quibble.**

_WHATEVER. Since when did you turn into Mr. Vocabulary?_

**Since when did you turn into Squall Leonhart?**

_Fair enough. Wanna have another peek?_

**Ehh- wait a few minutes. Just in case, y'know.**

. . .

**Alright, that's long enough. Wanna have a look?**

_Amen to that, bro._

** . . . I didn't say anything to 'amen' to.**

_So I'm feeling religious. Sue me._

**You know, they call this 'graveyard humor.' It's something Death Row convicts do all the time.**

_Forget Death Row, we're already dead! Are we going to look or not?_

**Fine, fine, fine. Okay, let's see what's going on here . . . holy SHIT! What the hell-? Juu?**

_. . . _

**Juu?**

_Aaagh!_

**Juuhachi?!**

**. . .**

**Juuhachigou?! JUU?! What happened? ANSWER ME! JUU!**

_I don't know . . . I'm feeling weaker . . . can't sense you anymore. Juunana, I'm shutting down . . ._

**What? WHY? Juu-!**

_ . . . there's something glowing . . . like a sun . . . brighter. Voices . . . _

_**Kami! Juu, stay with me! Concentrate! ****Juuha-**_

_Sakira . . . _

_**What?**_

_Sakira . . . Metsuya. Us._

**JUU!**

_ . . . Krillin . . . ?_


End file.
